People have expectation to fulfill needs according to their wish but some people use dishonest methods to met needs and wishes. They are called Manipulators. Manipulation is like a hidden weapon use indirectly or covertly to someone. Deception and being abusive are common strategies of manipulators. Manipulator behavior often seem kind, gentle and friendly, it feels like person is very much concern for someone but in real intention he wants to achieve his purpose through flattery behavior. When the objective is getting power it comes up with veiled hostility or other abusive technique. Individual who being victimize by manipulator, may not understand that he is trapped in wrong intentions.
If a person grew up being manipulated then it is difficult for him to differentiate when he manipulated by others. He may have a feeling of distress, uneasiness or anger but deny his instincts and manipulated by the pleasing words of manipulator. Individual who is being manipulated frequently is often confused about what to say to manipulator in return. People who are codependent usually use manipulative techniques to fulfill their needs because they having difficulty to communicate openly and assertively. Codependents are easy target of manipulation and usually manipulated by addicts and narcissistic or borderline personalities.
Common characteristics of manipulators
There are four common distinctiveness of manipulative individuals.
• These individuals have the ability to detect weakness of victim.
• When they found weakness of someone then use to get benefit from it.
• They make very clever scheme to take advantage from the victim in order to fulfill their self centered interests.
• Once they learned to get advantage through manipulation in work place, social and family then they are likely to repeat this attitude with others.
Facts about Emotional manipulators
They can’t be trusted. They usually act or behave in a way that seem they are victim, they will change situation in their favor so others will think they are unfairly treated or judge.
They make others crazy. Others will feel misunderstood because manipulators twist words and motives according to their purpose, they give rationalization for their action that seem unreasonable.
They make others guilty or make them feel bad. Manipulators neglect others and try to make them guilty for their act which is not intended to harm or they insult in front of crowd to make others feel humiliated.
They are passive aggressive. Manipulators hold dual personalities, they remain very down to earth when they have any motive to achieve, once their motive is succeed then they show darker side of personality.
They are self absorbed. They make their rules and push others to follow. They consider their happiness first then someone else.
Manipulators have some favorite weapons which they use to avail benefit such as, blame, arguments, comparison, deceitful, disagreement (making excuse and rationalization), pretending unawareness, or innocence, blameworthiness, corruption, dejection, mind games, guessing emotional blackmailing, vagueness, overlook, fake concern, pity, confession, sweet talk, and present and act of kindness.
They chronically behave needy and helpless in front of those whom they want to take advantage, they try to induce guilt directly or indirectly through their behaviors and attitude. They make negative comparison to make someone low or inadequate.
They often negate promises, show disagreement, make conversation worst and doing arguments constantly, blaming others. By using these approaches their intentions are breaking promise, or agreement. Manipulators best hobby is making unnecessary assumptions about intention of others or having false beliefs and reacting them as if they were right in order to give good reason for their sentiment or actions, meanwhile disagree with what they say in the dialogue.
They pretend to have fake concern for others in order to gain confidence to get their interest met as soon as possible.
Emotional Blackmail: One kind of abusive manipulation named as “Emotional Blackmailing” which include the use of anger, threats, bullying, disgrace, or blame. Inducing shame on others is a technique to build self-doubt when they make any effort to achieve goals by this manipulator makes them feel insecure.
Codependency: Codependents lacks in assertive skills. They try to please others by saying what others want to hear, their need is to be with others or to get love. They are people pleaser but internally they feel immense discomfort to deny own needs and feelings. Sometime they show passive aggressive behavior toward others.
Passive-aggression: People who manipulate also use passive-aggressive behavior to express their needs and wants indirectly to others. When feel difficulty saying no, they may be in agreement to things they don’t wish for, and through indirect way they forget meetings, being behind schedule, or doing it unwillingly. Usually, passive-aggression is a expression of hostility.
Sarcastic comments: Another tactic which manipulator uses often is passing sarcastic remarks on others. It’s way to embarrass someone and point out his or her weakness to feel pleasure or taking revenge of past insult. Their words are so harsh for anyone but they don’t realize and feel motivated in doing next time as well.
Blaming: They are blamer and very easily blame someone else for their own mistake. They refuse to take responsibility of the situation where prove their carelessness very clearly.
Ways to handle manipulative people
1. Know Your Fundamental Human Rights
Everyone should know their fundamental rights when interacting with manipulators. People usually don’t recognize when their basic rights are being despoiled. If an individual doesn’t harm others, he has the right to stand up for himself and defend his perspective.
2. Keeping Distance
Setting limits or making boundaries can be useful way to become aware of a manipulator. Manipulator behaves differently in each situation or when meeting with people in gatherings, they are good performers who can perform many roles for their benefit. As a human being we all have the ability to make social differentiation. This is habit of some emotional manipulators to dwell in extremes, being highly respectful to someone and entirely rude to another or pretending helplessness at one moment and severely aggressive in another moment. When someone identify this type of actions from manipulators on daily basis, maintain a vigorous detachment, and keep away from engaging with that person.
3. Stay away from Personalization and Self-Blaming
Manipulators motive is search and take advantage of others weaknesses, it is logical that person may feel insufficient, or blame for not pleasing the manipulator. In this condition it’s vital to keep in mind that you are not making trouble; you are merely being influenced to feel awful about yourself, so that you’re more probably to give up power and rights.
4. Asking Probing Questions
Predictably, emotional manipulators make requests or demands from others. These unnecessary demands frequently make others go out of their way to meet manipulator needs. When someone hear an irrational solicitation, it becomes helpful to set the spotlight back on manipulator by inquiring a few inquisitive questions, to see if a person has adequate self-awareness to distinguish the unfairness of their plan.